There are six mistakes that unhappy couples make which alienate one partner from the other. For married colleagues, these mistakes can transpire into damaging negativity in the workplace as well. There is a limit to how much strain a relationship can withstand before large cracks begin to show which also impact the business. That limit is just two of the following six mistakes.
- To react
As married colleagues, a reaction could range from a small eye-roll or shoulder shrug during a strategic meeting to a larger vocal outburst. Business couples often say “well, that’s a fairly common reaction to a disagreement – isn’t that a normal?” And they’re right. But a knee-jerk reaction like this can cause a divide or for one to feel unjustly treated. - Listening to reply
Can you recall a discussion with your spouse where you hear words but you didn’t actually take them in because in your mind, you’re already coming up with a reply? When a couple hears this, usually one or both partners are confused saying – “how else can I reply if I don’t listen?” – that’s where really listening and “listening to reply” differ. The issue is that one is focussing on constructing a viewpoint rather than understanding the other’s viewpoint. - Self-justification
This is a funny ‘mistake’ as it can be subconscious. So, you and your partner are doing a stocktake. One suggests to the other a more productive way. They reply, “I have always done stocktake this way. It’s how I learnt in Dad’s business, and it’s always worked”. Now, to the person ‘self-justifying’, this might seem a simple explanation for what and why they think or feel. In reality, it’s blocking the other person’s input and shuts down the conversation by implying, “I know best, I’m right and you’re wrong”. Any reply adds fuel to the fire and the option is to be quiet or walk away, deepening the great divide. - To be intolerant
Intolerance can be uncompromising, unforgiving, or dogmatic. How it’s interpreted in a relationship is crucial to strengthening or weakening the couple bond as it is often disguised as a form of control. If a partner is dogmatic, there isn’t room for cooperation or compromise. Without cooperation and compromise loving intimacy can’t exist. - Stubbornness
We have all experienced the frustration of someone who is stubborn. Having a ‘strong-willed’ partner can deeply impact the endurance of a relationship because at the office and at home, the refusal to flex is a major destroyer of intimacy. To add to the intensity, stubborn partners are often proud of that characteristic and wear it like a badge of honour. - To be unreasonable
Beyond the limits of acceptability OR fairness, to be unreasonable boils down to the simplicity that one partner loses out most of the time. When one partner refuses to consider or accommodate the other partner’s wishes, views or ideas with little to no concern about the other partner’s feelings – unreasonableness is the cause of unhappiness and alienation.
Being self-aware and accepting of differences does create more harmony in your relationship and hence in your business. Tolerance, reasonableness and flexibility add resilience to both your business and your relationship.
