Mark Twain famously said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment”. What a perfect quote to introduce and champion World Compliment Day on 1 March.
Far from being a fluffy date and sugary concept, compliments are an under-utilised gift that keep on giving. They strengthen relationships with friends, family, staff, suppliers, job candidates, clients and ourselves.
Few would debate that people have become lazier and more disconnected in a saturated digital world where self-interest and preservation rules. Compliments and gratitude have declined over the years, which is ironic given the need is greater now than ever.
Overwhelmed with business challenges, negativity and trauma in newsfeeds and social media we are hungry for more joy and inspiration to keep plugging away.
The neuroscience of gratitude and feeling valued is well proven. The resulting increase of the happy hormones, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins have a real impact on our mental and physical wellbeing. The positive flow on from our professional to personal lives and vice versa is significant.
Sincere compliments are a balm to fortify our being, give relief on the crappy business days, build confidence, provide support and motivate. The benefits are wide ranging.
I for one couldn’t get through life and business without the pleasure of giving and receiving them. Read that again, giving and receiving.
Seeing the joy an unexpected compliment brings to someone is magical. I love surprising retail workers as they stand a little taller and their self-worth expands.
Everyone, no matter external confidence will be more creative, productive and loyal when feeling appreciated. Never assume extroverted people don’t need a boost.
Honest vs fake
Honest compliments start with the right intent. It comes from appreciation. It’s about making another feel genuinely special and valued.
Fake compliments are surreptitious flattery, sleazy innuendos or manipulative. They are disingenuous, sycophantic, effusive self-serving or snake oil sales gushes. They can be over the top back slapping on social media.
The five love languages
In the classic book The 5 Love Languages, Dr Gary Chapman researched what people needed in their relationships. Not surprisingly ‘words of affirmation’ was number one.
Quality time, gifts, acts of service and touch followed. The findings are as relevant to business relationships as they are to romantic ones.
Some struggle
Many men and women struggle with giving and/or accepting compliments. Accepting is an issue for many as they downplay or eject them. A simple thank you is all that is needed.
Some reasons preventing giving or receiving include:
- Low self esteem.
- Jealousy.
- Negative thoughts.
- General lack of trust.
- Underestimating the positive impact of giving a compliment.
- Fear of being misjudged as fake.
- Fear of losing standing.
- Concern of appearing conceited.
- Perfectionism.
- Never received from family.
Tips for giving
My top tips for giving are:
- Check your motivation so it lands well.
- Look for a positive that isn’t obvious.
- Don’t just say, “great job, well done”, give context to why it was a great job etc.
- Praise along the way as people learn and improve.
- Be generous.
- If you think it, say it.
Strengthening the compliment muscle
The keys to doing this are:
- Practice and more practice.
- Give yourself a pat on the back daily for something you did well.
- Write in a daily journal of gratitude.
- Pay attention to the positive things around you.
- Just say thank you more often generally.
Final thought
Our personal reputations are aligned to how others perceive us. A large chunk of that is how we make others feel about themselves when they are around us. That lingering feeling if you will. Genuine compliments build memorability and trust. And that makes damn good business and human sense.
