Leaders are busy. They’re burnt out. They need self-care as much as we all do. But they put it off, they don’t believe it, or they undervalue how much it will help them. What leaders (and Type A personalities in general) believe is that leading and life is somewhat of a competition. A competition to do more, be more, and achieve more. Leaders have even told me that it could be seen as a sign of weakness to take time out to look after themselves.
How can you possibly look after your teams, and their psychological safety, if you’re not taking care of your own?
Personal psychological safety (PPS) is understanding that you will be a better version of yourself, you will show up differently, and your team will probably respond differently if you are in good shape mentally. And if you’ve taken the time to prioritise the things you know will help you stay sharp, focused, alert and in control.
Know your emotions and your triggers
Knowing your emotions and your triggers mean that you’re able to respond, not react, to situations that are stressful. Most leaders struggle with the question of how does that make you feel? It can be difficult to know what you’re feeling in the moment and to be self-aware enough to name the emotion. In coaching, it’s easy as I can ask questions and they can be answered by the leader. But in the heat of the moment, when the pressure is on, the leader has to be their own coach. They need to practice PPS and develop what Daniel Goleman titled Emotional Intelligence.
PPS is linked to emotional intelligence, because it’s about giving yourself permission to be in the moment, and at the same time, be in the emotion. Being aware of your emotional state helps you understand why you’re feeling that way, and what you can do to control any heightened state that may lead you to lose control. You can control your emotions with breathing, counting to 10, changing your focus, leaving the room, pinching yourself… whatever works for you.
PPS means that not only are you emotionally intelligent enough to manage your emotional state but also that you are aware of your emotional triggers. You’ve done the work, to know what the things are (situations, words, or actions) that trigger your limbic system – the emotional part of your brain – to go into overdrive. And you’re prepared for them. You know how you’ll respond when someone says something that you usually react to.
Practice gratitude
If you do nothing else as part of your PPS plan, practice gratitude, and be thankful for all of the things that are going right. Don’t focus on all of the things gone wrong. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships. It might be the people around you, who you can thank or show your appreciation to. Or it might be something that you do once per day when you reflect on all the good things that you have in your life.
As hard as your situation is in the moment, it will pass. Most pain is temporary. Living with stress in your life, especially over the long term, is not good for your health, or your safety.
PPS is about willingness
Like most things in life, what comes easy isn’t worth having, and what is worth having, doesn’t come easy. It is the same for PPS. Cultivating PPS takes effort. It takes commitment and a willingness to apply the principles of self-care, emotional intelligence, emotional control, and practising gratitude.
Without that, you may find it hard to lead and to inspire others!
