Many working Australians have been there – their relationship is rocky, they’ve spent another sleepless night on the sofa, or their partner has walked out and left them struggling with the kids. Stress is at a peak and they can’t focus on anything, feeling sick at the thought of another argument. But right now, they need to go to work. And that can be the biggest hurdle; not wanting to air their dirty laundry or admit failure and unwilling to reveal the source of their unusual behaviour, fearing the consequences from their employer, knowing their boss will be unsympathetic.
Despite divorce and separation being rated as one of the topmost stressful events in someone’s life alongside family bereavement, there persists the corporate and somewhat societal bias that relationship issues are not “serious” in terms of emotional devastation. This may force some to avoid admitting the real reason they are calling in “sick” or simply struggle on resulting in stress-induced illnesses.
Jurgen Schmechel, a relationship expert at “Inspiring Relationships” and author, supporting couples to build lasting and healthy relationships, urges employers to address their workplace culture when it comes t relationships.
“When a relationship begins to impact work, it adds more stress and impacts the ability to fix what is broken at home, especially if the employee is fearful of judgement or repercussions such as overlooked for promotion,” Schmechel advises. “Being able to share with their employer that home is not ideal and for them to listen and support with practical advice, can be the difference between going home with a positive mindset, free to address their partner calmly, rather than returning home under pressure and taking it out on their partner, exacerbating things further.”
There are a number of indications that an employee may be going through relationship turmoil:
- Change in productivity – when stressed and distracted they make uncharacteristic errors, miss deadlines and lack concentration.
- Change in mood – stress can cause a normally mild-mannered individual to become curt or retreat from social interaction.
- Staying behind – once keen to leave on time, now makes excuses to work late to avoid going home.
- Timekeeping/absenteeism – a noticeable increase in sick days, taking longer lunch breaks, arriving late, or popping out to take more phone calls than usual.
HR and recruitment expert, Nina Mapson Bone from Beaumont People, says, “It’s important for employers to recognise signs of personal stress and create a ‘safe’ place for employees to feel able to raise sensitive issues, without feeling judged or viewed unfavourably. Although there isn’t a specific leave policy for relationship struggles, personal leave can be used for this purpose. But the employee needs to feel able to speak out, admit they are not ok and for the employer to have options of where to point them for help which may result in them not needing any or so much leave – this could be their own in-house psychologist/counsellor, or a company through the organisation’s EAP (employee assisted programme) or perhaps they have a list of local support providers made accessible.
“Another way to create this ‘safe’ culture is for employers to be very open about asking teams how they are, similar to the premise of ‘Are you OK’ day and make their policy on such issues visible and not make home and relationships a taboo subject,” Mapson Bone explains.
Relationships are undoubtedly complex and something which employers can either acknowledge and create a safe culture, or risk suffering the consequences of employees hiding their struggles, affecting their work or worse still, taking excessive periods of time off sick with stress.
Susie Campbell, Owner, Hullabaloo PR
